Well…

It turns out Monday wasn’t my first day back. Monday was a teacher workday and the students didn’t have to go back until Tuesday. Of course I didn’t find this out until seven forty-five in the morning when I was at school in my uniform asking the security guard why the traffic to get in wasn’t so bad. Funny prank, Life, funny prank.

I’m also having to postpone my art classes until the summer, since Mr. F told us that if we were struggling the last semester, this quarter would, and I quote, “BREAK YOU.” So now I’m taking a study hall instead and taking drawing and painting either in June or July. That would probably be best, since I don’t want to get behind on learning art but I reeeaaally can’t get behind in my other classes either. I can’t be like Emo Alpaca: “I just really wanna focus on my art right now, Mom.”

On a note-so-good note: One of my sisters got arrested today at work for having firearms and drugs, and my other one almost had a seizure on the road. While the oldest one getting arrested wasn’t completely a surprise, my other sister doing that was–well, I don’t know. She was driving with her boyfriend, his son, and my niece, and she started shaking as if she was going to have a seizure but she wouldn’t pull over because he “didn’t know the way.” So what, was she just going to have a seizure on the road rather than just giving him the directions on how to get there? I always figured that something like that would make her realize that she shouldn’t be driving, but noooo, let’s just keep on driving and put everyone at risk, shall we? I hate to say it, I don’t want to admit it, but: My oldest sister is always the one getting in trouble. She’s been to jail and survived car accidents and just messed herself up but she’s still here and she’s still alive. But I always had the feeling that my other sister, the one who everyone thinks is just so nice and sweet and is so ready to help–I always get the feeling that she’s going to be the one who really gets hurt and has to suffer the consequences of it. I’m not trying to jinx anything or wish anything upon anyone, I’m not I’m not I’m not, but I just can’t shake that feeling. I’m not even praying for her not to get hurt–I’m just praying that what no matter what happens that everyone–that she’s able to live. I just want her here and all right and for her to turn around no matter what God has to do. I know that sounds really tough, but I trust that God knows what He’s doing, and that no matter what happens, He can change her and make good out of it.

Somehow I don’t feel as terrible right now as I’d expect. Or at least, the heavy feeling I’ve had lately is gone. I don’t know what’s different–maybe going back to school??–but I’ve really been trying not to get upset so easily. I don’t want to miss out on any more of my life being angry and not living, I want to quit on this constant negativity and move on with things already. I mean, let’s face it–life is kinda like a monkey, it’s going to throw poop at you. So my life-monkey is going to keep hurtling turds at me–I better learn how to duck and run fast. It’s not going to quit anytime soon, so why waste any more time being upset over things? Maybe I’m just on an optimistic high, but if this is what it is, I’d like to stay on it. It feels a ton lighter.

We’ve been reading the book of Romans in church, and last Sunday we read chapter six. It’s comforting to know we don’t have to live in sin and depression anymore, since we are made new in Christ. Sure, we’ll still have to deal with it, but we don’t have to be slaves to it. That took a whole load off me, and I hope it does the same to you.

Romans 6
Dead to Sin, Alive in Christ

6 What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? 2 By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? 3 Or don’t you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? 4 We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.

5 For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we will certainly also be united with him in a resurrection like his. 6 For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin— 7 because anyone who has died has been set free from sin.

8 Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. 9 For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. 10 The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God.

11 In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. 12 Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. 13 Do not offer any part of yourself to sin as an instrument of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer every part of yourself to him as an instrument of righteousness. 14 For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace.

Slaves to Righteousness

15 What then? Shall we sin because we are not under the law but under grace? By no means! 16 Don’t you know that when you offer yourselves to someone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one you obey—whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness? 17 But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you have come to obey from your heart the pattern of teaching that has now claimed your allegiance. 18 You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness.

19 I am using an example from everyday life because of your human limitations. Just as you used to offer yourselves as slaves to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer yourselves as slaves to righteousness leading to holiness. 20 When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. 21 What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death! 22 But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. 23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Milking out the break

I ended up spending the night with my godparents and cousins, which was a really good break from what was going on. However, the cousin I mentioned has been acting a bit…odd with me and Beatriz, my godparents’ daughter. He mostly spent time with the guys, though, so it was a little easier to deal with him.

We did a bunch of crazy stuff, most of which was my idea. We went to this beautiful hiking area where there was a river and a bunch of houses, and we had a mini picnic with Subway sandwiches. As you know, I have acquired a love of Frozen–having seen it three times and possibly going again–so when I saw a kid’s meal Frozen bag at Subway that no one had claimed, I decided just to take it. Beatriz kept saying that I didn’t know where it had been and someone probably peed in it, but when I found a little Frozen toy inside, she and my other cousin Eliana were both wanting to see it. Of course, the first thing I said was, “Nope, someone probably peed on it.” Couldn’t resist that chance.

Then we went to another river, and as we were playing a game of “don’t fall of the curb” and scaling a fence, I pretended we were spies from a magical realm who were being chased by monsters called “adults” and got everyone in on it. The best part was when a guy approached with his son and I said, “Look, ’tis the Great Spirit come to save us!” and we were like, “Great Spirit, do not abandon us in this land!” And also spent a thirty minute car ride telling them the story of the Purple Passion, which is pretty much just one of those stories made to waste time. (It’s about a boy whose life is ruined by something called the Purple Passion, and right when he runs to someone who is going to tell him what the Purple Passion is, he gets hit by a bus.) We also continued this game at a furniture store where I found a white unicorn puppet whom we called the “Great White Spirit.” I guess my Aunt Marion thought we were legitly playing with it because she got all three of us the unicorn puppets. Mine is currently sitting beside me. It’s pretty awesome. Be jealous.

I also did the Elf escalator thing at the bookstore (which surprisingly did not get us kicked out) and won ten dollars for second place in poker (obviously I’m better at Spoons, because I’ve only lost once or twice). So all in all it was just a lot of fun, and it took my mind off a lot of things.

I’ve started a–well, I don’t know what exactly it is. It’s not really a diary, I just write in it about whatever. I’ve also found this book called Why You Act the Way You Do by a Christian author that pretty much addresses everything I need help with–maybe this is my whacked up idea of self-therapy. Here’s to a good year, I guess…